The Occasional Editorial
A Second Anniversary Special!
This scene was believed to have occured during our second birthday in May 1998.
Interviews with the Composers (and the occasional live person)
Prelude
Editor: We are here today deep in the recesses of cyberspatial fantasy looking for our favourite musical personalities to interview. All this for the occasion of our [trumpets flourish in the background] 2nd Anniversary and because we don't have the money nor clout to hold big, physical birthday bashes. While it is possible for us to - oh, look here comes our first personality!
My, he looks darned familiar.
Leon: Hi.
Editor: Hello, Leon! So, how do you feel about the 2nd Anniversary?
Leon: It's cool, man. Actually I only started writing during -
Editor: [looking past Leon's shoulder] Oh my goodness! Look! It's the Inkpot Sibelius Nutcase! [Turning to reader, blatantly ignoring Leon] My dear reader, we are honoured today to have caught a glimpse of the elusive Inkpot Sibelius Nutcase, that strange personality who contributes long, fanatical and rambling treatises on Sibelius every issue. Let's try to get him to say a few words [barges past Leon].
Leon: ... then I decided it was no point trying to be shy, so I started to...
Moderato
Editor: Mr Sibelius Nutcase, sir! How do you do? Would you please say a few words during these Anniversary festivities?Inkpot Sibelius Nutcase: Why, certainly, yes. Congratulations on your 2nd birthday, and thanks for bearing with me all these months and publishing my articles. I suppose nobody even reads them, but the knowledge that I am not the only nutcase here is very heartening. [Smiles beatifically]. For example: who is that person there rambling to himself?
Leon: ...There was this time when I had a helluva lot of trouble looking for writers - well, I still do actually, but I do have...
Editor: [Turning around] Oh, that's just Leon, another Inkpot writer.
Inkpot Sibelius Nutcase: Hmm, he looks darn familiar. Ah well, fanaticism does strange things.
Editor: Thank you, Mr Nutcase, for your kind words.
Inkpot Sibelius Nutcase: You're welcome! [The Inkpot Sibelius Nutcase disappears in a puff of smoke. The distant sound of gently honking geese is heard in the air.]
Scherzo & Finale
Editor: We move on now to interview our guest-of-honour, Johann Sebastian Bach. Greetings, Herr Bach! Would it please you, sir, to say a few words about the Inkpot?
Bach: Zertainly. Greetings to alle! I am very grateful für alle der vunderful things you haf said about me und mein musik. Herzlicheste Geburtstagswünsche - -
Editor: "Happy birthday" -
Bach: - to Der Fliegende Inkpot from alle of us German composers [gestures to Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven, Schubert and Brahms behind him]. Ve are alle very embarrassed that you haf said so much gut things about us! But as ve like to say: 'Ve haf vays of making you talk!' [laughs heartily.]
Beethoven: [looking querulously at Brahms] Vhat is he laughing at? I didn't catch vhat he said.
Brahms: [snickering uncontrollably] I don't know! [Pointing at Schubert] You should ask our lieder ! Ahaha, hahhahaa ha!.... I keel meinself! [Schubert looks around for a heavy object.]
Editor: Danke, Herr Bach! [Addressing reader] So there we go - the blessings of one of mankind's greatest artists - isn't this good enough reason for YOU to write for us? It's been THREE YEARS already - don't waste any more time - join the Flying Inkpot as a writer. You don't even have to join the Classical Music Department - try reviewing movies for our Film section, or our Theatre department.
[Sound of breaking glass in background as Schubert smashes a pot of ink on Brahms's head. Haydn and Mozart fold paper aeroplanes using the manuscripts of their lost symphonies and throw them at Beethoven, who snarls back in disgust.]
Leon: ... then we started to win these awards which substantially... [trails off]... hello? Anybody out there?...
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