ANACONDA
Gerald Tan
Directed by Luis Llosa
Written by Hans Bauer
Screenplay by Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr.
Cast: Jon Voight (Paul Sarone), Jennifer Lopez (Terri Flores), Ice Cube (Danny), Eric Stoltz (Cale), Jonathan Hyde (Westridge), Kari Wuhrer (Denise), Owen Wilson (Gary), Vincent Castellanos (Mateo)
Produced by CL Cinema Line Films Corporation
Rating: **
Like all the great movies about those now storied fish and reptiles who have terrorized men and women on film - JAWS, ORCA, PIRANHA, ALLIGATOR, and CROCODILE DUNDEE - ANACONDA pits what is essentially a destructive anthropomorphic symbol of evil against an ensemble of largely clueless men and women. So get your scorecard out, scribe at the top of it : "Big Freaking Snake vs Documentary Film Crew + Unscrupulous Snake Hunter" and decide which characters you want to root for, and which you want to see get crushed, eaten, and regurgitated by a 40-ft long anaconda.
The incidental story line goes like this - a bunch of National Geographic- approved types go out on an expedition on the Amazon River to document the fabled Shirishama Indians, the People of the Mist. The route is terribly scenic and their barge very reminiscent of THE AFRICAN QUEEN. The crew themselves are an impressively charismatic lot as well - there's Eric Stoltz (TWO DAYS IN THE VALLEY) who leads the team, tough but luscious Jennifer Lopez (MONEY TRAIN) as the film producer, rap hard man Ice Cube, Owen Wilson from BOTTLE ROCKET, and the always delectable Kari Wuhrer (THINNER, HIGHER LEARNING) as the production manager with an attitude who can move extremely well to music in sweltering nights on a boat in the middle of the Amazon River. A movie about a monster snake never had a more promising cast.
In fact, everything goes swimmingly until the plot inevitably thickens. In the middle of a rainstorm they pick up from his broken yacht Jon Voight in his guise as a priest-turned-snake-hunter. Voight plays it cool, apologizing and offering to impose only as long as it takes to get to the next village. By his bad accent, curling sneer, pony-tail and the general air of low-rent villany about him, we can tell that this Paul Sarone person has a nasty surprise or two up his sleeve for our unsuspecting film crew. But Stoltz's Steve Cale, making us wonder how on earth he ever got his doctorate in anthropology starts yelling accomodatingly to Sarone over the howling rain, "DON'T APOLOGIZE! WE'RE ALL AT THE MERCY OF OUR MACHINES!" It's quite amusing then when Stoltz ends up with a poisonous wasp in his mouth and is incapacitated for most of the rest of the movie. And when this happens, Sarone takes over the expedition and sees that everybody else ends up at the mercy of the giant anaconda that he's hunting (because "snake this big... worth a million. Mebbe two").
Now if you're hoping for this giant anaconda to be, as advertised, the "shape of your fears," you're going to be more than a little let down by snake animatronics and computer animation that occasionally looks dubious and phoney (sort of like a poor man's JURASSIC PARK). Even so, there are a few gripping scenes, not the least of which is one where you get to see someone swallowed by the snake from a camera angle on the INSIDE of the creature. And then spit out. Too cool.
What's worst about ANACONDA though, is that it's a total waste of assembled talent. The characterisation is practically non-existent, and even the redoubtable Jon Voight turns in the hammiest performance of his career. A welcome relief to the almost resounding banality of the characters comes by way of Jonathan Hyde as Westridge, the whining British presenter of the Shirishama documentary who in the circumstances that he's been haplessly thrust in finds a surprising measure of courage. Otherwise, this picturesque but ultimately mediocre adventure-thriller just thrashes it way to its predictable end.
* Wait for the TV2 broadcast.
** A little creaky, but still better than staying at home with Gotcha!
*** Pretty good, bring a friend.
**** Amazing, potent stuff.
***** Perfection. See it twice.
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Other Resources at The Flying InkpotHome Readers' Comments
From: Guy (Gaz19)
A snake movie is a snake movie. Seen any other snake movies that are better? I don't think so... =)
From: dayna becker ()
From: mfds nir (gfght)
I really like the movie
From: fucker ()
From: fucker (fuck head)
Its a really fucking fuck movie re
From: Jason Endelre (enderled@concentric.net)
Why in the heck did you only give it two cameras? I realize that the graphics wheren't that great (in fact they sucked) but the plot was good and it kept you on the edge of your seat. I personaly am dissapointed in you. Sincerely, Jason Enderle
From: Kevin ()
You are far too generous in your assessment of this film. This movie was horribly bad to the core
From: Kenta (sex_pack_fopp@hotmail.com)
Hummmmmmmm?????????????????????????
From: Gene K @ Fl. (GGKearney@webtv.net / Monday, March 15, 1999 at 13:14:08)
Am I the only one that noticed the waterfall that has water defying gravity? I mean going uphill.
From: cheeken (marvinandcheeken@hotmail.com / Friday, March 26, 1999 at 12:22:21)
Did you notice the scene in which 'Mateo' (Vince Castellanos) dies? His hair was down during the whole scene, but at the close up where the snake breaks his neck, all of a sudden, his hair is in a pony tail. Hello!!! And why aren't there any pics of luscious Vincent Castellanos on this site? Sheesh! Been searching the web and only found one miniscule one. I quote Gage, the toddler zombie from 'Pet Sematary I': NO FAIR!!!
From: cheeken (marvinandcheeken@hotmail.com / Friday, March 26, 1999 at 12:22:29)
Did you notice the scene in which 'Mateo' (Vince Castellanos) dies? His hair was down during the whole scene, but at the close up where the snake breaks his neck, all of a sudden, his hair is in a pony tail. Hello!!! And why aren't there any pics of luscious Vincent Castellanos on this site? Sheesh! Been searching the web and only found one miniscule one. I quote Gage, the toddler zombie from 'Pet Sematary I': NO FAIR!!!
From: ( / Sunday, July 11, 1999 at 10:23:05)
