IF I WERE A WHITE BOY...

If I were a white boy. Oh, if I were a white just-graduated middle-class American boy. All day long I'd diddee-diddle-dum, play crosswords, talk in conversations involving the simulated quiz-show sound "Ding!", watch washing-powder ads, listen to taped ansaphone messages from my girlfriend in Prague, drink in townie bars, get laid with freshman-girls, and still look morose. I'd re-enrol in college, or maybe I'd back out of graduate school because I can't adjust to the one-hour difference in the timezone. I'd put my life on hold for years, and then realize this *is* my life. And I'd have to put it all on film.

I could do all of the above, but really the thing is to get a bunch of us graduated white boys, and divide up the work. So let me introduce Otis (Carlos Jacott), the ever-embarassable, who has this habit of doing vaguely alternative things without the confidence to admit to them ("Are you wearing mascara?" "NO!.....[pause]...yes."). Then meet Chet (Eric Stoltz), the everlasting student, prolonging his postgraduate education into its dozenth year while moonlighting as a bartender. On the same note (but with hazier motivations), there's Skippy (Jason Wiles), re-enrolling in college to take all the classes he missed (and also to keep an eye on his flirty undergrad girlfriend). As court-jester-cum-prophet-of-gloom we have Max, (Christopher Eigeman) an aimless sort with a gift for acid-sharp one-liners (on hearing about someone turning seventeen, "Now you'll finally be able to read Seventeen and get all the references.").

And then there's Grover (not the blue furry superhero-cum-loser, but quite possibly inspired by him). He's the one with the heart troubles, pining for his girlfriend who's gone to study in Prague, recalling in flashbacks the unfolding stages of their relationship. This is meant to be the emotional core of the film, but as played by Josh Hamilton, Grover comes across as being both boring and dislikeable. When he drolly tells a friend on the phone (within earshot of the girl he's bedding), "Sorry, I can't talk now, I have to sleep with a freshman", the director probably wants us to empathise with his ennui, but all I can do is wonder why that girl even talks to him, rather than doing something far more worthwhile like kneeing him in the groin.

Much better is Olivia D'abo, (remember the sister in 'The Wonder Years'?) as his girlfriend, Jane. She's got an appealingly awkward habit of toying with her tooth-braces, and she has enough intelligence and gopher-cheeked charm to make her easily more interesting than any of the boys. That said, though, Chris Eigeman is very good -- he's perfected the knowing sarcastic role in films like METROPOLITAN, but here his melancholy and self-deprecation make him more than just another smart aleck. Oddly enough, for all his gloomy humour, he seems the least self-pitying and least deluded of the guys.

This is a movie I should like a lot -- and in some ways I do. It's got very smart and often funny lines, and it paints a sharp picture of a certain group of people, a picture that aims to be both satirical and sympathetic (and it nearly works). But I've got problems watching this film. It's not so much a suspension of disbelief that's required to enjoy this film, as a suspension of dislike. One has to put aside one's annoyance at these guys' silly habits, their self-absorption, their thinking of themselves as so terribly smart and funny and hopelessly doomed in that Gen X kinda way . One must bravely resist the urge to tell them to shape up, get a life, get a job, call your bloody girlfriend if you miss her so goddam much. Maybe it's because (and not in spite of) my being about 22 and also freshly graduated : it's close to home, yet it doesn't hit the mark, somehow. Maybe, whatever bits I do identify with, I don't like that bit of myself enough to want to see it on screen. Or maybe if I were a white boy, I'd enjoy this film more. Whatever it is, I still believe this Noah Baumbach (a first-time director) has it in him to direct some rather brilliant films. I just think KICKING AND SCREAMING isn't one of them.



THE FLYING INKPOT's rating system:
* Wait for the video.
** A little creaky, but still better than staying at home with Gotcha!
*** Pretty good, bring a friend.
**** Amazing, potent stuff.
***** Perfection. See it twice.